The Ready Set - Love Like Woe

Fairly important: the formatting on this post goes to hell in most feeds, and it will be best read at ericonthecharts.blogspot.com

Quote from the page where I pulled the artist photo:

"omg(: i LOVE THE READY SET thank GOD for JORDAN he is the love of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Ready Set
Love Like Woe
Kid Pop
#33 (HiMid)
Nov 18, 2010
JSYK

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Even though I've been doing these reviews, I'm still a pop music hermit. I grab the songs, I listen to them, and I review them, but aside from hearing these songs, I still don't know anything about the media hype that surrounds them. So tell me: is the world awash in “The Ready Set go” jokes? I can't be the first guy that thought of that, because after hearing about 45 seconds of “Love Like Woe,” I think The Ready Set can go get sodomized by an elk.

Like, OMFG, I am waaaaay 2 old 4 this song. From the twee little voice that is meant to charm an audience that isn't me, to the oh-so-popular autotune twitches to every note he hits, to the lyrics about the girl who's a “pretty little windstorm,” a “sunset,” a “shooting star,” this is little girl music that makes Third Eye Blind's “doot do-doot do”s sound like sophisticated, adult writing.

Okay, let's find the picture.

Yup, a boy that looks like a little girl. Well, that's not a surprise... non-threatening is necessary to appeal the the glitter and rainbow crowd. Let's make The Ready Set go play spin-the-bottle with a hand grenade.

Funny thing is that, since it wasn't an artist name, I was expecting a group of some kind... but I'm gullible like that. This is obviously a teen boy pop singer writing songs for middle school girls (I'm sure the seventh grade lousy with Ready Set fans). There's no hint of a band here-- the electric drums, synths, and piano are all programmed-- so if it's a “they” and not a “him,” I can't imagine more diversity than a singer and a producer.

I'm willing to bet the love was “like, woah” originally. The lyrics are dim and annoying, and there's not the slightest hint of woe. I'm not certain the singer is aware of “woe,” but his marketing department was probably keen on it. No woe here, he's more focused on “the timing and the moment all seem so right.” Really? All those things seem right, huh? That's just redundantly redundant, and it's about as eloquent as Scott Stapp. Would you like to take her higher, too?

I suppose the benefit of hearing this song will come to me when it's parodied on the next Weird Al record (it really sounds like something Al would have fun with), but until then, I can't wait to see The Ready Set go to a Nickelodeon music awards show where they get beaten to death by a golf club wielding Willow Smith.

RUN!

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

Fairly important: the formatting on this post goes to hell in most feeds, and it will be best read at ericonthecharts.blogspot.com

Willow Smith
Whip My Hair
Kid Pop
#11 (High)
Nov 4, 2010
DJBooth

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As a responsible adult, I feel it is my duty to make sure everyone knows about the most recent threat to the delicate youth in our community.  More dangerous than marijuana, more deviant than sexting... I am referring, of course, to hair-whipping.  Respectable members of society cannot walk down the street without seeing these untamed and reckless children whipping their hair around, defying the most precious rule of mature social interaction: Thou Shalt Not Whip Thy Hair.

"Stop whipping your hair back and forth, you crazy kids!"  We plead in vain.  They continue to whip their hair.  It seems to be unstoppable; kids are whipping their hair back and forth on every sidewalk in the nation, sometimes as late as 7:00... even 8:00 at night.

Parents: talk to your children.

I keep going back to “Of course I don't listen to the radio; I'm not a fifteen year-old girl” as I work on this, and “Whip My Hair” provides a fantastic example. I guess it shouldn't be a shock-- we dwell in the Age of Bieber, and kiddie pop is a massive commodity... but it's not being marketed to me, and isn't something anyone old enough to drive should have to listen to. The endless, squeaky repetition of “I whip my hair back and forth” in the chorus is irritating enough to make The Chipmunks sound appealing in comparison.

Billboard lists her as Willow, but it wasn't until I looked down at my MP3 player that I saw that this was in fact Willow Smith-- ah! I vaguely remember hearing about this: she's Will Smith's youngest child, here to further Smith™ brand entertainment and help her family take over the world.

I did see The Karate Kid remake (ironically set in China, and featuring no karate) and I spent the entire movie wishing I could strangle the older Smith kid. Will's son, Jaden, spends the entire movie looking smug... the kind of entitled self-worship that wafts off this little boy seems like it might be his best impression of his dad's trademark, laid back cool, but it's not a very good impression. The kid seems like a prick.

Here, it sounds like Willow is being poised to follow in her father's Nickelodeon-friendly, early career, but this “we ain't doin nuthin wrong, so don't tell me nuthin” posturing is just annoying. I didn't like it when Pink was selling it, but coming from a 10-year-old? The song feels like the Disney-run Dev2.0; music written by adults struggling to find lyrics innocuous enough for parents to purchase and rebellious enough for kids to want it. I'd say the wild and irascible act of whipping one's hair was a poor choice... but I must be wrong, because here it is in the Top 20, so somebody must be buying it.

Musically, this thing sounds... expensive. While there's no pre-fab techno beat here, every sound has been cut by diamonds and coated in platinum. This is not a quickly tossed-off product by a pop machine looking for a quick hit; Smith™ entertainment is looking to establish a brand, and they pulled out all the stops: at any second during this song, something is being echoed, pitch bent, time stretched, filtered, reverberated, doubled, or otherwise made to sparkle.

No Means No - Live!

The result is nothing short of obnoxious: the music is inhuman, the voice is a prepubescent chirp, the lyrics are idiotic, and the chorus will make any adult want to punch a wall. Adults surviving this track-- we all need to listen to aging Canadian punks as soon as possible. My gift to you: grownups.

I do worry about the Smith children and the existential crisis that looms in their future-- Normally, the children of celebrities have a tough time, and the norm for child stars is... well... I guess "bleak" is the word.  The Smith children are members of both camps: theses are now child stars whose famous parents are propping them up in the public eye.  I'm actually hoping they don't get eaten by the Fame Monster in the next few years... no matter how cocky they seem as gradeschoolers, I don't think anyone wants to see kids crash and burn.
 

RUN!

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Genre: Kid Pop

These songs obviously weren't meant for adults.  Kid Pop aims to relate squarely with a pre-high school audience and could easily be considered novelty songs.