Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts

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Christina Perri will survive (after moping around for a while)

Christina Perri
Jar of Hearts
Sad Bastard
#33 (HiMid)
Christina Perri
Drew Lawrence
Barrett Yeretsian
B.Yeretsian
C. Perri

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First, a quick wager that this song was originally titled “Who Do You Think You Are?” but someone decided that “Jar of Hearts” was more unique (and therefore more memorable.) What they seem to have overlooked is the inanity of the new title: pulled from the abysmal lyric “Who do you think you are, running round leaving scars, collecting your Jar of Hearts, and tearing love apart,” Jar of Hearts is the kind of phrase only turned by children who protest (too much) their individuality by dressing anachronistically and writing terrible poetry that includes phrases like "jar of hearts."

Far from the Taio Cruz total rhyme failure, “Jar of Hearts” lives in the poetic playground of cheap, easy rhymes (with a few cheating near-rhymes thrown in for good measure). It's a sunny place, this playground; in the center, there's a statue of Lenny Kravitz, and the revelers all want to fly so high in the sky like a butterfly. Most days, Christina Perri sadly dances here by herself, wishing she'd missed the first time you kissed, afraid you'll catch a cold from the ice inside your soul (and hoping you'll notice). Maybe she should bring him some hot soup (how over her Lothario can Perri be, anyway, if she's still concerned he'll catch cold?)

The whole affair seems awfully naive to me, anyway (see also: “Of Course I Don't Listen to the Radio. I'm Not a 15-Year-Old Girl.”) I can't balance all the time it's taken her to get the light back in her eyes after losing the love she loved most with the icy-souled guy running around collecting hearts for his heart jar and tearing love apart... Not to overload my cynic circuits, but this story makes more sense if it's using the Unreliable Narrator device, and Perri has blown a two day mini-relationship with a guy out of proportion to near psychotic levels (“But we kissed! Twice!”)

This song was done with more passion back when it was called “I Will Survive,” and Christina Perri doesn't offer a single thought that isn't borrowed from a vastly superior Gloria Gaynor... and Gaynor sounds like she lived with the guy. If I wanted to listen to someone de-disco Gaynor's anthem, I'd listen to Cake.

Musically, this song is a turgid mope through remedial piano and syrupy, Hallmark strings... and while I appreciate producers trusting a sad song to captivate an audience without a dance beat, but there has to be something here to do the captivating.  A set of lyrics Perri will be embarrassed by in a few years married to clunking piano won't get it done... and it can be done.  Take Nellie McKay, for example: there's a girl (younger than Perri at the time of the taping) at a piano venting some disappointment, frustration, and rage with some real cleverness in the words and some talent with the keys... and doing it live, without all the vocal overdubs and sappy production on Perri's track (Christina Perri can be heard live here, and, on an unrelated note, did I mention Nellie McKay can actually sing?  Dunno why that just popped into my head.)

RUN!

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Eminem - Love the Way You Lie

Fairly important: the formatting on this post goes to hell in most feeds, and it will be best read at ericonthecharts.blogspot.com

I didn't figure Eminem would have the first Sad Bastard song on the list

Eminem
Love the Way You Lie
Sad Bastard
#33 (HiMid)
Dec 2, 2010
Marshall Mathers
Alexander Grant
Holly Hafferman
Makeba Riddick
Alex da Kid
Makeba Riddick

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While I've never been even a casual fan, I'm not going to deny that Eminem's got talent. As a matter of fact, as the weeks progress and I listen to a wide and random selection of rappers, I'm more impressed with his particular skill than I would have been if someone had played me this track before I heard Wiz Khalifa and Tyga. In the pack of Billboard stars, Emimem's absolutely an A-lister.

Regardless of the rapper's skill, “Love the Way You Lie” isn't a very good song. It comes off fairly one-note, with verses in Eminem's signature throaty yell, separated by a sad and balladic chorus sung by an un-autotuned Rihanna (hey, looks like she can sing). Lyrically, it plays like a celebrity explaining away his own headlines and presence in the national hype machine... an okay narrative, I suppose, but I'm not really drawn in by it.

For the record, I respect Eminem's honesty. No matter what you think of his oft-reported behavior or his records, you have to admit he's not a celebrity handled by PR men-- his lyrics truly represent who he is and what he feels. It may be hateful or misogynist, it may be a bad career move, it may illuminate our image of a childish idiot (an image he's too stubborn to stop perpetuating), but he meant what he said when he said it. Since I spend a lot of time complaining about pre-processed product being passed off as music, this kind of honesty counts for something. If Eminem's reprehensible, at least he's genuinely reprehensible, and he's not going to bullshit anyone about it.

You know I know how
To make em stop and stare as I zone out
The club can't even handle me right now
Watchin you I'm watchin you we go all out
The club can't even handle me right now

This song, then, is the story of the violent relationship told by the violent man: they were desperately in love once, no one wants to have that kind of thing turn sour, emotions run high during the screaming matches and things get out of control. Most anyone who's been in a serious relationship or two has been in the fight this song can evoke... he never physically hurts the girl, but punches the wall and the guy she's out with (general, violent, jealous guy behavior). It feels pretty selfish coming from a guy who made headlines and earned probation time for the first verse.

There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Again, I believe Eminem-- this song feels like a public apology, sure, and probably a sincere one-- but it also feels like Sad Bastard self pity. There are a lot of promises to never do this sort of thing again, but he's self aware enough to know he's full of shit and honest enough to tell us. The gestalt of the piece is that love can go bad, fights can get intense, he doesn't mean for things to get out of hand... but they do, they always will, and he's going to get violent, so what can you do? At least he's sad about it.

Having a famous domestic abuse victim sing the choruses is kind of an odd choice, too-- if you're going to have an “I'm sorry I've been such a violent guy” song and yet have it end with immolating the person you're apologizing to, why have the sad, soul singer chorus containing “I love the way it hurts” sung by Rihanna of all people?

Even though I'm still impressed with Eminem's rhythm and gift for internal rhyme, the song itself is pretty generic: alternating verses and choruses over (admittedly interesting and well composed) beats laced with mopey acoustics. None of the cleverness displayed in the details from line to line make it into the structure of the song: nothing ever changes, it just keeps sulking sadly along.

Walk

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Genre: Sad Bastard

There is a soft spot in my heart for Sad Bastard music... I generally associate it with the hard drinking blues and country guys who would be crying into that glass of whiskey if they knew how to cry (they don't, of course, so that glass is going to get chucked across the room as soon as it's empty). That's the genesis of the term-- as a style category, it's gender neutral and reflective of general mopeyness.