Natasha Bedingfield - Strip Me

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Really, is it that hard to make sense?

Natasha Bedingfield
Strip Me
Stand Up
#99 (Low)
Nov 18, 2010
Ryan Tedder
Ryan Tedder

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Compelling title. Is Natasha Bedingfield here to offer something to all the girls tired of stripping to Danzig's “She Rides”? Sadly, no... just a misleading name for the song. I'd probably enjoy the naughtiness implied by the name to the generic anthem we've actually got before us here, too. So far, I think these pop songs are best when they're hedonistic, silly, and over-the-top. I like music that means something, but these label-constructed songs, worked on by teams of writers, passed to a hip producer, and eventually given to a singer in attempts to expand their brand... meaning sounds pretty forced and unnatural coming from them.

From the opening “la la la”s, I knew this wasn't the song for me, but the verses are backed by odd, loping, reverbed-out beats and the vocal melody has unconventional note choi-- wait a minute! Just how badly do you want to be Bjork? Seriously, listen to the line at 1:18 “My heart is like a loudspeak-e-ar” and tell me that not was not sung by someone worships at the altar of the diminutive, Icelandic, and weird.

There are worse artists to steal from-- I'm still giddy it's not another song built from an ancient house music loop CD (“everything you need to start making dance music, now!”)-- but the song descends into a bland and generic neverwhere in its chorus. I would honestly prefer more Bjork theft; these choruses fulfill the plastic lack of inspiration promised by the “la la la”s. I doubt it would be complete without the “oh oh oh”s she layered in there between the endless refrain of “You ain't takin' that from me,” which would be a more accurate title... but I can see why they went with “Strip Me.”

Yes, my prejudice is showing: I really don't like hearing about the La La Las or the Oh Oh Ohs. I had a bad experience with a La La La once, and an Oh Oh Oh just stood there and did nothing! As a result, I'm scarred for life and tend to react badly whenever a song glamorizes either of them. I'm probably going to need a good cry as soon as I'm done with this.

Moving on... the title seems to refer to an identity stripped of ego and fame, but I can't make out if it has any kind of point, or even perspective. We know she fights every day for all of her “future somethings,” but seems against wasting her life “earning things that I don't need, but that's like chasing rainbows.” So she fights for the things but doesn't want to spend a lifetime earning the things she fights for every day and... wait, what? It seems the “things” in question are career advancement and trappings of fame (it's all a bit dodgy), because the chorus focuses on being built up, cut down, and stealing pride... but she'll still be herself. Her exact words are that she'll “just scream,” which seems like a bit of an empty threat, considering the source.

Here's the tricky part: the bridge claims that “it's what you do and what you say that makes you who you are,” which is funny, because what she's done is become a pop star, but what the song says is that she doesn't care about being a pop star. Where does this leave her fighting wars for her future somethings and earning things she doesn't need? These are the things she say she does, but I have no clue what she's saying about the things she says she does... and I don't know what she actually does, other than be famous (which she says isn't important.) After declaring that your words and actions make you what you are, the next line is “Makes you think about it, doesn't it?” Well, yeah, but only because nothing she says makes any sense. I'm so confused.

The bridge ends with “Sometimes it takes only one voice.” Er... to do what, exactly? It's the first this song's offered about anything taking anything to get any result, and there's no hint of what it takes only one voice to accomplish. What are we doing, again? Much like the refrain, where she's “only one voice in a million, but you ain't taking that from me,” and we hear over and over that we're not going to take... what? She's proud to be an anonymous voice in the crowd, and that can never be taken from her?

Except for the fact that she's a pop star on the radio. Maybe the thing we can't take from her is her ability to never make sense... or maybe the one voice in a million refers to the person who wrote the song, whose voice we never actually hear. Or that we can strip Natasha of the people who write songs for her...

I'm giving myself a headache. It must be time to stop: I've already thought about this song more than I should, probably more than anyone ever has, including the people who wrote, recorded, and sang the damned thing, and it hasn't been a terribly rewarding experience.

RUN!

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Drake - Fancy

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Would it be petty to start conjugating his doing verbs for him?

Drake
Fancy
Ass Kissing
#99 (LoMid)
Nov 18, 2010
MusicRemedy

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My first time hearing this song, I thought I was in for an interesting, down-tempo bridge at the 2:45 mark... but the song never returns to its starting point. Like Hitchcock's Vertigo (or Mulholand Dr, or Full Metal Jacket), “Fancy” shifts gears at it's half-way point and never looks back. The music shifts to more ambient beats and synths that would sound at home on the Richard D. James Album.

Halfway through, this song gets pretty good. 

It's a relief, too, because the first half is almost unbearably annoying. I know hip hop's origins lie in loops (and later, samples), but the synth loop sounds like a kid's failed attempt with My First Sampler™-- it's unpleasant rhythmically, timbrally, and harmonically, and it never... fucking... stops.

Combine that with the chorus that goes on about four times as long as it should: the endless repetition of “Oh, you fancy, huh?” is the least catchy refrain to cross my path in a while, and though there's a brief reprieve when it changes, it's not enough, because they're going to repeat the whole thing over again.

While the Ass Kissing category was for anyone getting sycophantic for any group, every example so far has been guys sucking up to womankind... but “Fancy” is actually the most respectful and complimentary of the bunch: it's all about successful women with brains as well as beauty, the women who don't need you to buy drinks for them, drive nicer cars than the boys, and college graduates with good jobs that might be able to loan a little money to their loser boyfriends. Ironically, the huh of the “Oh, you Fancy, huh?” sounds arrogant and dismissive to me.

I can't say I really dislike this song... I just think it starts badly. It opens with a refrain that bugs me and lousy music, but I think the second half is pretty decent and the song as a whole seems to genuinely respect women. A mixed bag, I guess. Since it splits in the middle, with separate call-outs to Los Angeles and New York girls at the half way point, I wonder if this isn't some exquisite corpse project between east and west coast artists... but I don't see myself spending a lot of time figuring out who, and with what allegiances, worked on which verse.

Last, the “she was fine, like a ticket on the dash” is the silliest pun I've hit so far. I'm not sure if I hate it or love it.
 

Walk

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

The Ready Set - Love Like Woe

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Quote from the page where I pulled the artist photo:

"omg(: i LOVE THE READY SET thank GOD for JORDAN he is the love of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Ready Set
Love Like Woe
Kid Pop
#33 (HiMid)
Nov 18, 2010
JSYK

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Even though I've been doing these reviews, I'm still a pop music hermit. I grab the songs, I listen to them, and I review them, but aside from hearing these songs, I still don't know anything about the media hype that surrounds them. So tell me: is the world awash in “The Ready Set go” jokes? I can't be the first guy that thought of that, because after hearing about 45 seconds of “Love Like Woe,” I think The Ready Set can go get sodomized by an elk.

Like, OMFG, I am waaaaay 2 old 4 this song. From the twee little voice that is meant to charm an audience that isn't me, to the oh-so-popular autotune twitches to every note he hits, to the lyrics about the girl who's a “pretty little windstorm,” a “sunset,” a “shooting star,” this is little girl music that makes Third Eye Blind's “doot do-doot do”s sound like sophisticated, adult writing.

Okay, let's find the picture.

Yup, a boy that looks like a little girl. Well, that's not a surprise... non-threatening is necessary to appeal the the glitter and rainbow crowd. Let's make The Ready Set go play spin-the-bottle with a hand grenade.

Funny thing is that, since it wasn't an artist name, I was expecting a group of some kind... but I'm gullible like that. This is obviously a teen boy pop singer writing songs for middle school girls (I'm sure the seventh grade lousy with Ready Set fans). There's no hint of a band here-- the electric drums, synths, and piano are all programmed-- so if it's a “they” and not a “him,” I can't imagine more diversity than a singer and a producer.

I'm willing to bet the love was “like, woah” originally. The lyrics are dim and annoying, and there's not the slightest hint of woe. I'm not certain the singer is aware of “woe,” but his marketing department was probably keen on it. No woe here, he's more focused on “the timing and the moment all seem so right.” Really? All those things seem right, huh? That's just redundantly redundant, and it's about as eloquent as Scott Stapp. Would you like to take her higher, too?

I suppose the benefit of hearing this song will come to me when it's parodied on the next Weird Al record (it really sounds like something Al would have fun with), but until then, I can't wait to see The Ready Set go to a Nickelodeon music awards show where they get beaten to death by a golf club wielding Willow Smith.

RUN!

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Usher - DJ Got Us Fallin In Love

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Damnit Usher, we talked about this...

Usher
DJ Got Us Fallin In Love
Club Anthem
#11 (High)
Nov 18, 2010
CurrentHiphop

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God damn it, Usher, I told you how I felt about this one-- back when it was crowding around the #3 spot (back when I was reviewing #3 as the "high" number Billboard entry), this was the first song I ever skipped. Now it's back, and I don't have a loophole that'll get me out of it this time. I'm blaming you for sticking me with this thing (after your redemptive turn last week).

And why are reviews of your songs directed to you personally? I don't do that for anyone else... not even Cee Lo, and I'm seriously considering buying his album.

The reason I didn't want to review this is not because it's bad, per se, but because it's so damned boring. I was already struggling for something worthy of comment the first time this song popped up... and that was before the last handful of stock techno club anthems. Seriously, what can I say about that ever present drum beat, the stock house chords, etcetera, etcetera? I'm getting bored just trying to list why this is boring. 

So remember the last time we talked? I admit that song wasn't brain-bendingly awful, and I have to say I like this song less than that... but, post-Taio Cruz, I know just how lousy these Club Anthems can get so I can't hate this song too much: this song is a standard house-based dance pop song, but in the first verse, when the filter sweeps down on the synth's rhythm chords, it's an indicator that someone did some work on the music. It's still hanging out with the cliché I always complain about, but at least it doesn't sound like you're singing over a royalty free backing track you downloaded on a whim.

Oh-- and you're not fooling anyone: the carpe diem (I suppose it's technically carpe noctem) lyrics about how we all live tonight like there's just right now, keep downin' drinks like there's no tomorrow, and hey... haven't we met before? Dude, she knows you're just trying to get her into bed. You're going to have to search out midwest farm girls if you want to find a lady who hasn't heard that one before, and you're not going to find many in metropolitan dance clubs.

The song actually has some energy and sounds danceable, which is a step up from the lifeless and boring “dance” songs I keep hearing. Pitbull's guest verse is raspy and crunky (he's not Lil Jon or anything, but he's a great change of pace), and, hey: I actually get the “boys get loose like Waka Flocka” reference. For as bored as I am with these songs, this is the best Club Anthem of the bunch so far... 

Seriously, though, I don't want to listen to any more dance pop based on decades-dusty house music. Can you please make them all go away?

Walk

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell: