Linkin Park - The Catalyst

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Linkin Park
The Catalyst
Complaint Rock
#99 (Low)
Oct 21, 2010
MySpace

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Oh sweet Jesus.

Linkin. Fucking. Park. I know I claimed not to be clued in to the legacy and backstory behind these tracks, but I've known about Linkin Park for many years-- if anything, I'm surprised they're still around.

(maybe this #99 thing wasn't such a good idea after all.)

I used to use Linkin Park as an example about how fads and media hype dull anything original that crops up. Though I'm not a fan, Korn kicked off a wholly unique sound when they first came out; it's actually kind of amazing they became popular. Their impact rippled out into bands like Limp Bizkit, which shined up the nu metal thing and made it mass consumable for the frat boy crowd. But wait! We can water this trend down further!

And so Linkin Park was constructed and packaged for the crowd that just wasn't ready for something as hard (dude!) as Limp Bizkit, already a more mass-consumable Korn. A copy of a copy... and that was ten years ago.

If my first reaction was “Oh no, not these guys again,” my second though was... well, it's nice to see a band on the list. I was starting to wonder if people still listened to bands-- everything I was getting up to this point has all been a singer and a producer, and I'm much more interested in a group of musicians working and playing together. I've actually done both, and I prefer my band to my studio work. Personal preference.

Good news first: Linkin Park is no longer playing rap rock infused nu metal, so if you want to find juvie rebellion at Wal*Mart, these are no longer your guys.

Now the bad news: Nothing that starts with polka intro this long is allowed to sell us this much tortured artist angst.  With the organ washes, plaintive pianos, and plinky raver synths, the tortured vocals make me think someone's been taking Reznor lessons.

The somber, self-serious vibe is more annoying when you figure out that the song doesn't actually make any sense-- it seems like it might be a kind of anti-oppression or brink of self destruction song... but it's not.  I'm wondering if Linkin Park have turned into an anti-music Dadaist collective, and threw endless chanting, polka beat intros, self important rock posturing, a Creed-like "save me" coda, archaic synth stabs, and nonsense bits of purple prose into a blender as a statement against the modern music world.  That would make the endless chanting of "God bless us every one" make some sort of sense.

I sort of wish that were true...

RUN!

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Adam Lambert - If I Had You

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Adam Lambert
If I Had You
Backdoor Brag
#51 (LoMid)
Oct 21, 2010
iLike

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Continuing my muli-post confession of ignorance, I never know what these people look like until I've listened to the song and done some of the writing; I go to Google and enter the artist name and song title, and search for the image I'll use in the article (as an aside: Cee Lo Green didn't look anything like I imagined). That's not the case with Adam Lambert: he opens "If I Had You" with a line about his boots, leather, and applying black eyeliner. Immediately, this guy's image opens the song; I know we're listening to a pseudo-goth peacock in guyliner and black nail polish.

Hey, look at that. I wasn't wrong.

What's worse, after Cee Lo's entry of easily the best song so far, we're back down into the bad, bog-standard techno pop hole Rihanna dug. This is almost the same kind of animal: this is the song that the DJs spin to get the dim ones on the dance floor between real club songs... it does most of what club tracks are supposed to do, but it's also a four chord pop song. Like Rihanna, Lambert's not doing the Autotune-As-Effect trick, these vocals are just autotuned because he can't hold a note, and there's really no need to correct it gracefully since we're all used to the sound of an out-of-tune singer being jerked into key by a computer.

The differences between this and "Only Girl (in the World)" is that Rihanna's song only had her in it because they needed a voice as a lead instrument-- she was barely there. Adam Lambert is front and center in this song: it's all about him, all the time. So Lambert isn't a bland shell: his personality is all over this track.

Unfortunately, it's the kind of personality you want to cuff on the backside of the head.

Let's not focus on the “Rock It” era Herbie Hancock stolen drum fills or the “Owner of a Lonely Heart” bridge, but more on the attempt to borrow retro cool and 80s rock. This is a song is an example of a joke from 30 Rock: back door bragging (“It's hard for me to watch American Idol, because I have perfect pitch.”) The whole song is about how rich, famous, and sexy Adam Lambert is... bit if he had just the right girl, all of the fancy cars and sheik clubs he keeps mentioning would pale in comparison. Oh, wait, did he mention his fame and money? How about his eyeliner?

It actually feels like it was constructed around an image, the kind of thing you expect from an American Idol alum. (checking Wikipedia... yup. Woo-hoo! I swear I didn't know that until I looked it up.) That adds a whole new level of bad to this song: not just because it implies Lambert didn't write a single word or note of "his" song (can someone find out if I'm right about that?), but for a song about being famous and rich, this guy probably makes less money than I do. Not that the song's not popular or his album doesn't sell-- and even that's questionable-- but the profits will mostly go to the American Idol machine.

The one thing that makes this one stand out for me is the curiosity of whether or not anyone will remember this singer or this song in five years. I have a hard time imagining Adam Lambert's breakthrough third album and continued presence in the spotlight. It's easier to imagine him as the assistant manager of a Target and maybe getting recognized at karaoke on Saturday nights.

RUN!

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Cee Lo Green - Fuck You

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Cee Lo Green
Fuck You
Trash Talk
#17 (HiMid)
Oct 21, 2010
IndieShuffle

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I've got a couple qualifiers that send me into these songs from a slightly different angle from almost everyone who hears them:

1. I live in a hype free world (at least as far as pop music goes). I've never even heard of Cee Lo Green before, I was surprised when Nelly turned out to be a guy, and I only know about Chris Brown and Rihanna because I liked reading Amelie Gillette before she packed up The Hater and went to write for TV. I'm usually blind to a performer's legacy and backstory, so I usually don't have any prejudice when I'm hearing them for the first time.
2. I don't listen to the radio, so overplay isn't an issue-- If I'm digging into a song to write about it, it hasn't been crammed down my throat three times an hour, every day, by an annoying DJ... so it's always going to be fresh on my side.

With that on the table, I'm going to try and avoid hyperbole while I come out in support of Cee Lo Green. Everything that Only Girl (in the World) does wrong, Fuck You does right; it's got some slick funk in its beat, the music calls back to Motown, and it manages to be modern while it turns its influences up to 11. And I didn't mention Rihanna's autotuned voice because she barely existed in that song... but there's not a hint of tampering on Cee Lo Green: from what I can tell, this guy is an excellent soul singer.

And he actually has the balls to name the song Fuck You. I expect that from more underground guys: Overkill has a song called Fuck You (and Screeching Weasel covered it)... but they were never going to be in the top 20. I think the one that plays on the radio is adjusted to be “Forget You,” but still... balls. Big brassy yar blockos.

Lyrically, the whole thing is fun, and actually pretty funny, especially with the Motown milieu raging (even if Smokey Robinson asked “ain't that some shit?” I can't imagine the Miracles harmonizing an “ain't that some shit” response), and “I guess she's an Xbox and I'm more an Atari” is endearing. And kind of clever. The whole thing bustles with personality, and the hysterical, on-the verge-of-tears “Why? Why? I still love you!” bridge made me laugh the first time I heard it.

Musically, they threw in everything but the kitchen sink: shakers, hand drums, drum kit (with big stompin kick), piano, organ, electric piano, clean bright guitar, and layers of vocals... I was worried about the lack of bass until the bridge lets the bass part come up front and pop through. Nice.

Pulling back a bit, the song isn't more than it is-- it's still verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus, and done. So we're not blowing the roof off the music world here, but it is the first song I've come across in this experiment that I've actually liked. I'm going to keep this around for a bit.
 

Stay

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Rihanna - Only Girl (In the World)

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Rihanna
Only Girl (In the World)
Club Anthem
#4 (High)
Oct 21, 2010
YouTube

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I guess it was bound to happen, but I didn't expect it so soon in the project-- Nelly's not letting go of that #3 spot. Makes sense that the upper echelons aren't going to move much, packed in at the front of the line and pushing... so in order to avoid repeats, I slid back one.

And, hey, look, it's Rihanna! I've never listened to her before, but I have at least heard of her: I know one thing about Rihanna (I'll just link you back to Chris Brown). So this is the first of many techno-themed pop songs in my cue this week... I'm calling it a club anthem because this thing doesn't really seem to live by its lyrics. But techno seems to be my overriding theme this week.

A little backstory (looks like this project is going to be rife with backstory, anecdotes, and colloquial asides... sorry, but that's just me)-- I remember when a group of friends, gathered in a living room, had someone break out a tape of new music, called “house.” The rave scene was still underground, and though electronic music had been around for a long time (I had a thing for Art of Noise when I was in high school), none of us had heard of house music. The stuff I had at the time didn't age well, but for a short bout it was exciting simply because is was so different from everything else.

A lot of that music's elements are everywhere now-- current music is awash in boonch, boonch, boonch beats and fixed-interval oscillator detunes. Don't get me wrong: I'm not against any kind of electronica in general, and I'm very much for new sounds entering the musical lexicon: it gives us all a bigger sandbox to play in.

Some of this problem might be my preconceptions, because I usually assume that the R&B stars have a bedrock of funkiness, and I'm heading into week 2 and haven't heard a hint of funk yet. The house movement might have had one thing on it's mind (just like this song): Dance Dance Dance! But with the robotic mechanics of the inhuman beats and sequenced synths, it was profoundly unfunky. It was the anti-funk.

I can't hold this song responsible for my pre-conceived notions, but my other problem is, while I think it's cool that myriad styles can be incorporated into new music, this doesn't borrow from the house movement: it's basically the same bad dance music that hit mTV in the early 90's. It's a 2 Unlimited song. And I'm not about to champion 2 Unlimited, but at least they were working with the new trend in music... this doesn't borrow from dance music from the early 90's, it doesn't incorporate elements of, draw inspiration from, re-interpret ideas of, borrow a cup of sugar from, or sneak down the alley behind 20-year-old techno-pop songs. It is a 20-year-old techno-pop song.  The call is coming from inside the house!

It's just so played out. My problem with that cliche'd autotune effect-- that cliché is newer than this cliché. The prefab backing track of this song actually has dust on it... but I'll bet the club goes crazy when they play it on a saturday night. It just baffles me when I hear this kind of thing spilling out of the radio via the open window of a passing car.

Why would anyone listen to this while sitting down?

RUN!

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell: