Far East Movement - Like a G6

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An uptempo dance track about a downtempo chill scene.
Scanning for self-aware irony: None detected.

Far East Movement
Like a G6
Club Anthem
#11 (High)
Dec 9, 2010
Jae Choung

Virman Coquia

Niles Holowell-Dhar

Kevin Nishimura

James Roh

David Singer-Vine
The Cataracs

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Well there it is: the dreaded G6 song. This was the song that sat at Billboard's #1 when I started looking into how to tackle this project, it was #1 when I began writing, and stayed #1 even after that. “Like a G6” is absolutely the reason I didn't pick the number one song of any week as a review, a song would get there and just sit for weeks at a time... and still, I wondered about the song itself.

I wasn't so curious as to go out and listen to it until it landed on my review list-- let's not go nuts (I'm pretty much at capacity for pop hits. I'm not seeking out extras.) Camping at the top spot could could mean anything (iTunes sales to kids obsessed with sizzurp? Label payola?) Maybe the song's success is a result of the song itself being really good.

Stranger things have happened... but I'm glad I didn't have my hopes up.

Truth be told, this thing isn't that bad-- it's a total club song, even if the lyrics are the polar opposite of the music, this is a classic 303-style squelchy bassline with a retro drum machine beat (the lyrics call out the 808). It's probably done with emulators or soundalikes, because no one can afford a real TB-303 or TR-808 these days, but it's okay by me. High art it's not, and it can't compete with something that has great beats and music (I was listening to “Chonkyfire” off Aquemini today), but it is better than the limp beats I've heard from Will.i.am and so many others. “Like a G6” sounds like it belongs in a club; it actually sounds like people would dance to it. This beat is bangin' in exactly the way "Check It Out"s is not.

Poppin bottles in the ice
like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right
gettin slizzer'd
Sippin sizzurp in my ride
like Three 6
Now I'm feelin so fly
like a G6

and that's a bit of the problem: lyrically, this is not supposed to be a banging club track. The lyrics are all about getting slizzer'd on sizzurp (there's a wikipedia entry for it under Purple Drank; the wiki doesn't use the actual word, but that's sizzurp: codeine based cough syrup and soda), the flagship drink of chopped & screwed remixes. The chorus even calls out the Three 6 Mafia, formative in the style, but chopped & screwed tracks are slooooooow, sedated even, and not really built for dance clubs.

I probably have to explain: Michelle, our singer, showed us all Lil Jon, and his chopped & screwed remixes were the first I ever heard. Personally, I think it's pretty cool... and I have some love for Lil Jon, too. Whatever you think of him, Lil Jon's got a unique sound and infuses everything he does with his own distinct personality (and, if you can find it, track down the deleted-from-YouTube Lil Jon/Lazytown mashup. That thing rules). Regardless, this is one area where I'm slightly less of a hermit... I'm no authority, sure, but it doesn't take much to figure a sizzurp sippin, Three Six bumpin night doesn't end up at the dance clubs that play “Like a G6.”

Also, what the hell's a G6? Everyone seems to think it's a jet... but I can't find it. Claims made after the song became popular say it's slang for a Gulfstream G650, but I can't dig up anyone calling that plane a “G6” anywhere but in a reference to this song. If someone can offer up any information that Far East Movement isn't picking random syllables so they can rhyme with a call-out to the Three 6 Mafia, let me know. Right now, I'm unconvinced, and I'm going to dictate that any episodes of Fringe that are boring be called “Boringe” so we can finally have a word that rhymes with “orange.” It's no less arbitrary than what's going on here.

Generally, that's where I am with the song: it's not a bad dance track, but it's got antithetical lyrics and strangely Electroclash vocals in the chorus (now there's a fad whose 15 minutes couldn't end quickly enough.) I don't hate it, but it would definitely get on my nerves if I had to listen to it more than I just have.

Walk

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Lil Wayne - Right Above It

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Cue up your training montage

Lil Wayne
Right Above It
Bragging
#32 (HiMid)
Dec 9, 2010
Dwayne Carter, Jr.
Aubrey D. Graham
Daniel Johnson
Andrew Canton
Kane Beatz

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Wow... that's really heroic. If Rocky was going to train to a hip hop tune, this song would score the montage. The synth horns that open the song could probably make the argument all by themselves: they're pretty obviously coming out of someone's Korg Triton (Lil Wayne, I have two words for you: Miroslav Orchestra. I know you have the hard drive space), but they're endearingly cheesy. This song would probably sound amazing with real horns... but no use crying over spilled samples.

Though the horns are the first thing I noticed, the beats are the best thing about this song. Some work went into the programming on this one. The kick skitters around on the bottom of the track, and there's a lot of complexity in the hats and cymbals, all kept in check by a steady handclap. Somebody was having a lot of fun with the drums when they put this one together.

I thought it was odd that the vocals were so low in the mix-- the music sort of overwhelms the voices in most of the song. I can still make out the lyrics, but the music is way up front... odd for this type of music, but it sort of makes sense when I try to write about the lyrics and keep coming up dry. The music is punched up because the words are kinda boring.

Putting up music this epic to back a brag track begs for some audacity, but the bravado in this just seems commonplace (“I've been fly so long I fell asleep on the fucking plane”). There's money, crews, cars, and girls (“Don't like my women single, I like my chicks in twos”), but no more than anyone else's bragging...  maybe even a little less. Writing this dull makes me wonder why the song needs to exist at all, since it shares space with “Monster.”

Lackluster, but not awful... and it could be worse. The numbers got shuffled this week because #33 was being consumed by, you guessed it, Glee. That puts things in perspective.

Walk

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Michael Jackson & Akon - Hold My Hand

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Suddenly, the songs not good enough for a Michael Jackson record are being exhumed and sold.  Maybe the quality of the music improved over time.

Michael Jackson
Akon
Hold My Hand
Hallmark
#66 (LoMid)
Dec 9, 2010
Aliaune Thiam
Claude Kelly
Giorgio Tuinfort
Akon
Giorgio Tuinfort
Michael Jackson

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My pop music hermit status informs most of my writing, but no one (not even me) is so much a hermit as to escape the looming shadow of Michael Jackson's legacy. Hell, Off The Wall was the first cassette I ever owned... it was a Christmas present and I was a kid, but still... The problem with reviewing MJ is: his death made him a sudden saint, which is supposed to overshadow many years of his public controversies blotting out his fairly uncelebrated, late-career, musical output. There's no way to win this one.

Me, I've recently spent time with friends watching old videos of Jackson; that guy was an amazing performer, and it's still a little stunning to watch him dance. On the other hand, he was mostly a performer-- he sang the songs and put on a hell of a show, but the songs were mostly written by hitmakers and producers (shades of Quincey); he didn't write “Thriller,” and he didn't write “Hold My Hand.” I tend to respect songwriters more than stars, but I know that the Jacksons come from Motown, where there wasn't much crossover between the talent in front of the mic and the talent composing the music.

It's almost impossible to deal with “Hold My Hand” in any serious way: no matter which part of Jackson's recent story makes you cringe, this song hits it. There's the creepy, breathy sound of Michael whispering “Hold my hand” at the end of the song that had to contribute to the song's suppression (pulled from albums a few years back) when he was alive and making headlines for all kinds of unpleasant allegations. On the other hand, releasing a song that opens with “this life don't last forever” as a posthumous track is tacky, bordering on tasteless. If a reviewer just can't win, this song is born to lose; how can anyone listen to this and not wince?

Then figure in the schmaltzy sentimentality of the song itself: this is a personal taste issue, but the sappy songs are just not my style. I'm not declaring war on love songs-- “Hold My Hand” is less interested la amour than an quick and dirty Hallmark card, and it's the mass-market, universal appeal that smacks of insincerity. The “platonic-or-no?” cheeseball vibe of hand-holding for friendship and warmth isn't helped any by the alleged friendly sleepovers and public, child-at-heart protests; I'm not trying to pick a fight, but couldn't someone dredge up something with more of the dancy, kick-ass funk that people loved about Michael Jackson... and avoid pleading sentiment and weird associations?  If all the writing credits are to be believed, Michael wrote "Smooth Criminal;" why aren't we hearing something like that (or "Billy Jean") instead of this schmaltzy crap?  And Isn't that what Michael Jackson's fans really want to hear?

Here's to the far side of dancing on this line: I don't want to defame or worship this guy: let's post some more Jon LaJoie in here (this blog is only strengthened by increased Jon LaJoie content)-- it's like backing the Patriot Act in 2001 and screaming about freedom in 2010.  You can do both, but one negates the other... no one will believe you on either point once they've seen you endorse two opposite positions.

Even if I shut off the part of my brain that keeps finding tacky ways to associate this song with Entertainment Weekly headlines (hey, I go to grocery stores, too), it's not a very good song: it's cheesy in the extreme, and it sounds like one of those awful late 80s ballads destined for junior high Winter Formal dances.

Even without all the lyrical ways this one seems wrong to me, I still hate it; the release a cash-in tune for people to make money on a star who's more profitable now that he's dead, and the music comes off like an audio greeting card (all synth strings and sap). I thought about naming this genre “Sap,” but Hallmark is more appropriate. Some products are built for The Land of Emotional Make-Believe: they claim operatic heights, provide a Disneyland ride, and are designed for those who don't care to discern between the two.

Aside from all the other problems with this song, there's no way to stream it at the moment, so there's no Play link for this one.  It's one thing to make the tacky decision to cash in on a celebrity's death (it's shitty, but it's smart marketing)... but why make it so difficult for people to hear it?

RUN!

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

Kanye West & Jay Z - Monster

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Nicki Minaj is one for three, but this is the one

Kanye West
Jay-Z
Monster
Bragging
#99 (Low)
Dec 9, 2010
Kanye West
Shawn Carter
William Roberts
Onika Maraj
Justin Vernon
Kanye West

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I never laid out the rule that a week would be reviewed top-down, so this week I'll start with the Low position, simply because it's the song that's having the most impact on the blog. Exactly like changing to a Stay, Walk, Run strategy, Kanye's “Monster” made me recursively add featured and guest stars into my listings for one reason: Nicki Minaj.

There's been a bit of recurrence in the featured slot before, but Nicki made me reconsider the whole system because, though she hasn't been the main name of any song I've reviewed so far, she keeps popping up and always gets some mention. She was autotuned and blank in the awful “Check It Out,” so much so that you'd never really notice it was her; she was my least favorite part of “Bottom's Up,” but I detected some interesting turns in her voice, changing characters from her normal tone to a dainty little girl to a growling beast.

The neat little turns I noticed in “Bottoms Up” live large in “Monster;” three MCs each get a verse, and they get some time to do what they do (the song runs longer than six minutes), but Nicki Minaj is the real monster of the track, a force of nature and a goddamned rockstar. Her verse starts slow, but she's already playing with character in the song; she employs Rastafarian accent at her convenience, sometimes for a line, sometimes just to hit a word. She writes her verse with smaller crescendos, ramping up with the music, digging in and raising intensity as the builds, and switching to her little girl voice when the beat backs off a bit, and then dropping into her growl to cap off a line. Her part has lots of little arcs that follow the music, but eventually builds to a scream and roaring “I'm a motherfuckin Monster!” I didn't really dig her in the last two songs; I love her in this.

The first two verses pale in comparison. Rick Ross in the first verse is solid and serviceable... since this is a brag track and everyone's declaring their monstrousness, you know someone had to pull out and show us his dick (it was bound to happen), but “Have you ever had sex with a Pharaoh? I put the pussy in a sarcophagus. Now she's claiming that I bruised her esophagus” is sort of amazing: even if it makes absolutely no sense*, that dude just rhymed sarcophagus with esophagus. Jay-Z's verse is done in that style where the rapper just can't seem to keep up with the beat-- he never hits the one, always seems to be lagging, and you can hear him struggling for breath in the gaps; I've heard other rappers use this style, so maybe my palette just isn't developed enough to appreciate it, but I don't like it. Regardless, neither of these guys make as much with the music as the lady who follows them.

Musically, this one's pretty good-- I'm not sure how much we're all supposed to be praising Kanye these days (and again: I'm a hermit, and  outside of Garfunkel & Oates, I have no idea where Kanye West falls on the current cultural barometer), but the beats are well written and dramatic, rising and falling within the song to keep its length from flatlining the whole thing. Bon Iver opens the song with an octave-synthesized voice that could just as easily be introducing Dr. Funkenstein and closes with a coda that might have appeared on an early 80's Prince record; neither of these things occur within the body of the song, but “Monster” begins and ends with stylized vocal melodies, both of which are pretty cool.

I have to admit, I'm sort of on the fence with this one... there are parts of “Monster” so good they're outstanding, but it's only bits and pieces, and I'm not sure how often I'd listen to a six-and-a-half minute song simply because I like the third verse. It's compelling, though; this is as close to Stay as a song I'm not actually keeping can get.
 

Walk

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell:

* the sarcophagus part, I mean-- I'm not so dim as to misunderstand the bruised esophagus.  [back]