Rick Ross - Aston Martin Music

Fairly important: the formatting on this post goes to hell in most feeds, and it will be best read at ericonthecharts.blogspot.com

Slightly less cool than 007's car.  Can we rename it "Toyota Corolla Music?"

Rick Ross
Aston Martin Music
Bragging
#33 (HiMid)
Dec 16, 2010
Rick Ross
Drake
Chrisette Michelle
JUSTICE League

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The top of the charts are looking like a parking lot right now, so, sorry... no High spot this week: tracks 8-14 are all songs I've already reviewed. Just as well, since it's taken me a long time to try and write about “Aston Martin Music,” and I'm not sure why. Either it's basically a dial-tone that just refuses to make any marks on my brain, or I've got a teflon coating for this kind of thing.

Shame, because the branding in the title works for me; I was looking forward to this song. I get why, like Scarface and the Corleones, Bond lives large in hip hop culture: he's unbeatable in a gunfight, irresistible to women, and lives the high life (tailored clothes, the finest food an drink, and a slick car). Even if most of the movies are lousy (out of over 20 movies, there's about a 1-5 quality ratio), the character himself is always an ideal: James Bond is SuperGangsta.

This song is desperately lacking in its Bondness: not smooth, fancy, or dangerous. The music doesn't evoke an Aston Martin... this is Honda Accord music. Honestly, if you stripped all the vocal parts away, it's a track Kenny G would have no trouble soloing over. Designed to be medium-tempo and non dynamic, it's one real flourish is a hard stop (“Ballin!”) that sounds so awkward it makes me feel bad for complaining about the lack of changes: if that's what you're doing for variety, we can probably do without. They sweep down some filters on the beats for the chorus... but I doubt that would throw Kenny G's game.

I kept listening to the song trying to focus on the lyrics, but the whole thing is... just... so... boring. I get that the verses are all Bond: guns, girls (who take orders from you, no less: she calls you “boss” while you “listen to the yeah yeah yeahs”), convertibles, and lots of money, but Rick Ross never seems to complete a thought. The verses switch from one idea to the next without any connective tissue, as if Ross is as bored as I am, tuning out after a line and a half and starting over. The chorus is just a constant repetition of the song title in robotic monotone: no melody or rhythm at all.

There's no way to work up any real hatred for a song so bland you can barely remember it as soon as it's done playing, but I have to give this one a Run because it's a lousy song without any redeeming qualities (at least Wiz Khalifa and Blake Shleton were so bad they were funny). Does “Aston Martin Music” have an excellent video? I must be missing something, because I have no idea why this song is popular.

RUN!

Stay with the song, walk away, or run like hell: